I have anxiety. There. I said it.
My anxiety is generally put in to full fledge meltdown when there is a lot of clutter around me or I feel like things around me are out of control. It is something I have been working on for a long time, but especially in the last few years.
You see, I want things to look perfect. I want everything to have a place and I want everyone to look a certain way and I want to be portrayed as a certain type of person. This is all brought on by myself.
It has taken me a long time to even be able to pin point where this anxiety comes from. Finally, this Christmas I verbalized to my family that I was feeling high anxiety and if everyone could take a couple minutes to clean up what was around them I would feel much better. They listened and helped and I was able to really enjoy the day.
This episode got me thinking about life in general…how many opportunities have I missed out on because I didn’t think I could be the best? How many times have a stood back because I was afraid of what other people might think of me? How many fights have I caused with loved ones because I had anxiety and could not verbalize it?
Moving forward I am really going to try and be in the moment when things are happening in my life. I am going to try and live life as if no one is watching. When I feel an “episode” coming I am going to recognize it and ask for help. I feel like this will enable me to be a better person overall. And happy. And healthy. Isn’t that what we all are going for?