Is it me, or do most bloggers not go to church? I read a couple of blogs where faith is a main part of their daily writing, but other than that it seems like most people either leave religion out of their blog or clearly state they are not religious. I am a “cradle Catholic” and I have never strayed from my religion or my beliefs. I have never had to make a choice like that and I am hoping to raise my children in the same way. I love being Catholic, I love my Lord, and I love going to church on Sunday (even if my kids are hellions the moment we walk through the door!).
This week our pastor was speaking about the “desert times” in our lives. How sometimes even in the lowest and hardest and deepest of depressing times we still must have faith to forge ahead. Just as Jesus was tempted in the desert after 40 days so too must we remain steadfast and strong during our “desert” times.
Boy, I needed to hear this. As you know, I have been struggling. I have been mad at the world for no good reason other than just feeling tired and over-worked and overwhelmed in general.
I have not been nice to my husband. I have been short with my kids. I have been asking tough questions that I would never want to repeat outside of my head.
I just can’t shake it. I feel so trapped and tested all the time. I have been praying so hard for an answer. I don’t want to make blanket statements like “the devil made me do it.” But, honestly, I have no idea what is happening. So, I will keep praying. I will keep forging along in the desert hoping for relief at some point.
I should be happy.
I have a wonderful life. I am in a good marriage. I love my kids. I love my friends. My family is super-supportive. I love my job. I exercise regularly. I am blessed with a third baby in my belly.
But I am not happy. I am sad 90% of the time.
And talking about being sad only makes me feel more sad. Ugh.
I am going to the doctor this week and I plan on having a long conversation with him about these feelings. Maybe I have during-pregnancy depression. Is that real? Like PPD?
WOW…this post was supposed to be about my Ironman March experience so far. I was majorly sidetracked. I guess I will be back tomorrow with more on that.