I have a problem.

4 years, 4 months, and 8 days after the fact I am still totally and completely haunted by the death of my dad.

I just can’t believe it happened.

I miss him terribly.

I miss his daily phone calls, his sound advice, his quirky personality.

I miss his mustache, his perfectly-straight-never-needed-braces teeth, his running legs, his voice.

I will never be loved by anyone as much as he loved me.

I feel so alone in this grief.  

No one understands because he was mine.  Our relationship was so sweet and pure and awesome. I talked to him every day (sometimes two or three times a day) for my entire life.  There is a void every day when I am waiting for a phone call that will never come.

At lunch yesterday many people were talking about the death of a loved one.  It was so sad that so many of us have lost a parent.  I couldn’t even speak because I was so over-whelmed and devastated with grief.  

I am wrecked.

Ryan looks exactly like him. When I look into his eyes I see my dad.  It is both a blessing and a curse…so happy, yet so, so sad.

The Dennis Shephard look, spot on.

Just had to get it out today…



4 thoughts on “Wrecked

  1. At my age (62) I’ve seen so many of my friends go through this. It sounds like the two of you had a really special relationship. I wrote about my experience with grief when my dad passed away in a piece called “Grieving in Teaspoons” (or something like that–I haven’t looked at it in a while) because I felt my experience seemed so atypical. I discovered there really is no “typical.” Good luck. You shared your feelings beautifully.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s