Feeling Blah

have you ever just felt, well, blah? Like nothing is really exceptionally bad but nothing is exceptionally good either?  This is a strange spot to be in. I have so many personal things going on right now but oh so much to be happy about.  It is a strange place to be standing in. 

I have decided to make this the “Summer of Positivity.” And I am hoping that being positive and happy with life will bring me out of this blah phase.  I think I will start today. 

Three things I am feeling really positive about:

1.  School’s out! Two more in-service days and I am free for the next three months!

2. My kids are cute and relatively well behaved.

3. Turkey sandwiches with Colby jack cheese.  I really love those! 

  

  

  

 I have no idea who took these pictures or when they were taken.  Hahahahahahahahaha! 

The Struggle is Real

Dieting is torture.

It is pure and utter bullshit.

And to think I have to do this for the rest of my life is enough to push me right over the edge.

You can sugar-coat dieting by saying it is a “lifestyle change” or you are “developing healthy habits” or you are trying to eat “Whole foods” but any way you put it, for me, it is a diet.

A diet I will be on until the day that I die.

You see, I don’t crave salads or beets or granola or whole wheat or eating light or Greek yogurt.

I enjoy eating in bulk and ice cream and fried foods and Chinese and snacks and cookies and ALL THE JUNK ALL THE TIME.

I think part of the issue I am having with losing weight this time is I just do not want to have to do it.  I don’t want to give up all of those things that I truly enjoy.  I know, nothing tastes as good as thin feels…but in the moment, the food does taste REALLY GOOD and the guilt I feel isn’t THAT BAD and I can justify and justify and justify my way up the scale.

You lose and gain weight one bite at a time.

I can have a really good day and eat well and exercise…but one slip can send me into a downward spiral that might take me days or even weeks to pick myself back up and get on the diet-train again.

Maybe I am complaining a bit.  Maybe I am a “Debbie Downer.”

But this is life.  This is my reality.

And it sucks.

Life

Oh life.

It is such a drag sometimes.

I feel like most teacher’s feel the same way in May…it is like complete limbo-land…you have so much to do to finish the end of the year but all you want is to start summer break already.  

UGH, I hate it.

My project lists are great but my desire to just hang out in the sunshine and be a mom is greater.  I am not complaining, just stating a fact.

  

 Things have been status quo for the last few weeks. Nothing exciting or blog-worthy.  Ryan turned 10 months and will soon be 11 months and dare I say that I am having a little bit of baby-fever???  I miss my little bitty boo and I keep thinking that maybe, just maybe there may be room in our family for one more…then I shake myself awake and remember that I am barely keeping up with the kids I have and I am just starting to ever so carefully (in a hushed tone) sleep through the night again…but then BABIES!!!!  I love BABIES!!!!  I guess I will leave that one in the hands of God for now (and forever, really).  

I am getting truly pumped for the summer and relaxing a little bit.   I happen to love not having to rush out the door every morning for work. 

On the fitness and dieting front…I am feeling like I am finally getting my groove back (Stella, ha!) after a few months of slacking a bit.  I have been tracking my food and moving my buns and I seem to be on the (slow) track down the scale…again.  I really need to get myself in better shape because I will be spending the majority of the summer in a bathing suit or strapped to a rollercoaster. 

I also have been making the most delicious grilled and healthy dinners.  Tonight we are having Mexican Chicken that is heavy on the veggies and light on the cheese.  I love it and the kids love it so it is a win!

  

maybe a new segment – looks disgusting, tastes delicious