One thing I am trying to focus on during this year of positive changes is to let things go…I mean figuratively and literally. With every pound I have gained I have also added a lot of resentfulness, jealously, and anger. These are things I never really had to deal with in my younger years but have crepted into my life just as the pounds have. It is hard to manage and difficult to confront.
At some point I stopped appreciating all the blessings in my life and started hating things that I used to love. I am trying to value things for what they are; the good, the bad, and the ugly. This has taken a lot of self reflections and evaluation and some of the things I have discovered about myself I don’t like and I want to change.
For instance, I want to be kinder to my spouse. I don’t want to create arguments over stupid Sh!t that doesn’t matter. This means I need to be less controlling and more open to him making family decisions (even if I don’t totally agree). I also need to be less rigid about a lot of things. The laundry, dusting, vacuuming, and kitchen counters will be there tomorrow…take a chill pill, lady! (easier said than done)
Finally, I want to spend more time with people I love and enjoying being around. I want to accept more invitations and ask more people to hang out. I am *thinking* about putting a neighborhood all call out for a walking buddy in the evening.
This is all so much easier said than done. I struggle so much with this. Generally I am happy but I am also somewhat unhappy. I concede because I don’t want to fight but when I suppress the feelings it just makes me more angry and I want to fight. I am so upset about this. Something needs to change it I also don’t think I am the only one who needs to change. Does that make sense???
I’m glad I got this out.
I feel better.