A New Day

I am back.

Between Easter and Spring Break (spring cleaning, really) and some not so stellar days…

I am back.

I have realized over the last couple of weeks as I have been tracking my food and my behaviors and talking to a great friend that I am an addict.

A food addict.

I have a chemical dependency for sweet food and salty food and all food, really.  Once I start munching on something, I have a hard time stopping and when I feel like I need to “sneak” food or like I am not going to have enough food (which is really like never, but in my head it is all the time) I try and eat as much as I can and hoard food and binge.

It is awful.  It is something I am going to have to deal with and be aware of for the rest of my life.

Some days I am strong and some days I am weak and some days I am fine on my own and some days I need help.  It is just the facts of life.

Since last Wednesday I have been preparing myself to get back on track.  I have been working on seeing where the downfalls and binges are happening and become more aware of my feelings when such instances occur.

When I have a schedule that I can stick to normally I am fine.  When I come in with a plan and follow the plan accordingly, I feel in-control and it makes me feel calm and sane and like “I can do this!” But when the plan falls short or things change (which is like, all the time) my mind does crazy things.

Like lunch, for instance…if I make a good and healthy lunch and I eat it in my classroom I am fine and totally satisfied. However, if I enter the Faculty Room and there is any type of snack sitting on the table it is over.  I want it all!!!!!  This happened today and I literally had to give myself a silent pep-talk in order to get out of there.  I am proud of myself for that.

I am doing a little junk food “cleanse” of sorts for the next few weeks.  I have already noticed that chips and cookies are major trigger foods for me.  I have also noticed how much of that unhealthy food is in my home and just sitting there…it is really kind of sickening.

I have also been listening to the “Half-Size Me” podcast.  My BBF introduced it to me and I am in love! It is like therapy knowing that there are so many other people how have the same struggle.  I have to believe that a spark has been lit in me and I am ready to get this weight off once and for all.

I don’t have a goal right now of where I want to be.  I know where I have always felt most comfortable, and I would like to get back there someday.  For now, I would like to see the scale move down slowly and consistently.  Would I like to lose 50 pounds by the summer?  Of course!  Is that realistic? NO!  SO I just want to see the scale go down.  That’s all.

So here I am, starting over.

Again.

I refuse to get depressed about it.  I just need to move forward.

Today is a new day.

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Make a Change Monday #5

Make a Change Monday #5

Another week is down for the books.  It has been a better week than last.  Physically, I am feeling much stronger and my back seems to be doing better.  I am certainly not at 100% but I would say I am in the 90% range most days.  Back issues are awful for so many reasons but the biggest is that it affects everything you do in your life.  I do not sit down, stand up, walk, run, put in a load of laundry, make a bed, or anything without first thinking about the movement I am about to make and feeling and acknowledging what my body is telling me.  It is something I will live with for the rest of my life.  I am not complaining about it, just facing the facts.

I am happy to report that diet and exercise-wise it has been an awesome week for me. Something in my brain has “clicked” and I feel like I am on a great path.  As with any change, things could downward spiral very quickly, so I am not taking this great attitude for granted.  It is still a day to day hour by hour minute by minute struggle sometimes.  I am so glad I have my friend Beth with me on this journey.  It is nice to have someone to check in with who “gets it” and does not judge!

As for non-scale victories, I have had a few this week that I would like to write about. First, I ordered a pair of jeans from Old Navy to get me through until more of my pants fit (I assume everyone has done this at some point in their lives) and when they came in they were too big.  Yes, my friends, TOO BIG!!!!!  I mean, they were not a size smaller than I normally wear or anything like that so I am not like having-a-party excited, but I am happy that finally I am moving in the right direction!  With that, I decided to try on a pair of my own jeans that I was not able to get around my hips in December and they FIT!!!!!  They were not even skin tight.  I wore them to church on Sunday!!!!!  Finally, with Tyler’s birthday, there was all the cake and all the food and I really did keep myself in check.  I indulged in a couple of things that I thought were worth it (cheese balls) and skipped mostly everything else.  I ate my calories in cheese and crackers, but I was fine with that.

My work-outs were back up to about 90% (with my back issues) and I did manage to make it to the gym 4 days this week so I have stayed within my February goals.  I have fallen in love all over again with the Elliptical Trainer.  Such a good, hard exercise!

Oh, and I will be getting my manicure sometime this week, for sure!!!!

All in all, I would say this has been an amazing week.  It was not easy, but things that are worth it usually are not.

Who is on this journey with me?  How was your week?

Here are my stats for this week:

Weight Loss: -6.6
Total Pounds Lost:  -18.8

February Goal: -10
# Away from goal: -4.4
Reward: Another Gel Manicure

Make a Change Monday #3

In the spirit of transparency, this has been a mentally challenging week. I had a lot going on personally, little sleep on most nights and tons of work during the day. I am proud to say that this week only made me stronger and more determined. Even during weight loss and the struggles that comes with it, I am trying to live a joyful existence ( I guess you could say joyful is my “word” for 2015), I took all of my challenges in stride and let nothing turn into an excuse to wallow or be lazy or to skip out on my responsibilities to myself and to my health.

I kicked butt and I am happy about it.

After being a bit disappointed the week before, I wanted to make this week count and I wanted to see a big number on the scale. I stayed well within my calorie goal, I exercised everyday, and I got in at least 12,000 steps a day.

I kicked butt…I know, I already said that!

Here are my stats for this week:

Weight Loss: -6
January Goal: -12
# Away from goal: -1 (technically, .2)
Reward: Gel Manicure

In the upcoming week I am going to concentrate on the same things as I did this week…water, movement, and good choices. It is also the last week of my diet bet, so I need to lose that last pound or I don’t get my money back. That, my friends, is motivation enough for me!

Who is with me this week????

20150125-210624.jpg It’s also my favorite week of the year, but I will talk more about that in the coming days

You Can’t Please Everyone

You can’t please everyone…

I have been thinking about that statement a lot lately. My whole life I have felt like I was pulled in many different directions. Mostly it has been self-imposed because I am a “yes” person, but more recently I have let the reactions of other people rule my mood; and I don’t like it.

This weekend someone said something very nasty about me behind my back, to my mom. Specifically, it was about my weight and how every time she sees me my clothes look tighter and tighter.
And when it was repeated to me I was very hurt by the comment. In fact, I almost cried about it.

Then I thought to myself, who is this person to judge me? In fact, I have lost 20 pounds since August. And I am working out daily. And I am feeling good. Am I really going to let someone control my emotions and how I feel about myself?
And, so I got over it.

My mom may never get over it.

I also have a problem with letting people’s reactions get the best of me. I try my best to include everyone and to make people feel welcome and appreciated. I don’t live in the same city as many of my family and friends do, so when I have something going on not everyone can come. I am no longer going to feel bad about that. I am going to live the life that I am craving for me and for my family. I cannot control how other people feel about me.

In better news…
I have been purging my house room by room. It has been awesome. Shawn added to the fun this weekend by cleaning out his clothes in the closet. I am proud of him…that is not something he likes to do, but he did it and I know he felt good about it when he was finished. I have two small projects left (guest room closet and Megan’s closet) and then it is on to the garage and the basement which might take all winter, but I am going to do it. By spring I want to move on to our first large project since moving into our home. We are going to re-decorate the living room which includes new flooring, new paint, new wiring, new furniture and possibly a built in. WOW writing that down makes it seem like a huge undertaking. Young House Love I am not J

Anyways, I feel better getting all of that off my chest. I am looking forward to a fabulous week. After all, Halloween is one of my favorite holidays!

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A Part of My World

Sometime I feel like I have nothing to write about.
My life seems pretty full, but there is nothing worth reporting or I do something fun but then I am too busy or tired or stressed to actually write about it.
I guess that it why I will never been a famous blogger…I just don’t have the commitment to it.
Oh well, I will just keep doing what I am doing.
Last November I committed to writing a post every day. I will not be doing that this year!

Six things going on in my world…

1. I started the bikini diet this week. This blog makes sense to me. She believe that dieting is 90% food intake and 10% exercise. Since January (and, especially, June) I have really been committed to 4-5 days a week of exercise for at least 60 minutes. Unfortunately, I have seen very little results. This leads me to believe that my diet sucks. When I did the 7 day detox I lost 13 pounds in one week…interesting. I am not looking for a “quick fix” but I certainly would like to lose something for all the effort I am putting in at the gym.
2. We went to Great Wolf Lodge over the weekend. Shawn’s co-worker’s mom works there so we got a cheap room. However, GWL is not a cheap place. We spent more money than I would have liked to, but the kids LOVED it ( and so did we). It was a great family Staycation” (GWL is 5 minutes from our home) and we were all exhausted but so relaxed and rejuvenated when we came home.

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3. I found Megan a pair of Twinkle Toes and it didn’t cost me a week’s pay! They were on clearance at Kohl’s for $21.99 and I had a 30% coupon so I ended up spending about $16 on them. That was a major win!
4. This weekend is my high school reunion. Our class president has done a horrible job planning it, so I am not hoping for anything spectacular, but it will be nice to see some people I have not seen in a while and also hang out with a couple of my BFF’s and their husbands.
5. October is the best month but also the worst. The anniversary of my dad’s death is coming up. This weekend we are spending time remembering him and doing some fun stuff in his honor.
6. For the first time in a long time I looked at Megan and Tyler and realized I am so happy to be a mom of two awesome kiddos. I always thought I wanted (needed) more children, but right now I feel really content. I have struggled with this for the last year because I keep picturing in my mind three little kiddos…but if that never happens, I am fine with it, really.

Day #4: It’s Real

So today I hit the wall.
I am tired.
I am sore.
I feel like someone kicked me in the side.
I am tired.

But, I am powering through. One more day on the detox and I have made it. When it is over I am going to feel very accomplished and extremely proud of myself.

The work-outs today pushed me over the edge. I just finished the run/jog intervals and I almost threw up. Literally. And the creative lifting moves are very hard for me.

I held a plank for a long time today just to see if I could do it. And, I can. When the summer started I couldn’t even life myself off the ground. I am getting stronger…both mentally and physically.

Today was a good day.

Monday Happenings

Another great weekend is in the books. I know being off all summer means everyday is like a weekend day, but it is different when Shawn is working during the week…weekends are really for family time.

This weekend was packed with smiles but also a bit of sadness. We spent time hanging with friends and going to our church festival which is always a blast. It is so nice to see my students and their parents in a relaxed setting. Megan and Tyler loved the rides and the games and just being the center of attention with everyone. I don’t know about you, but growing up church festivals were not a “thing” in my town, but in Cincinnati they are big, like really big. I had to reel in my obsessiveness and just put the kids on the scary carnival rides. In the end, Shawn was more nervous about it then I was!

The dad of one of Shawn’s friends died on Friday night. He had suffered cancer for a while. We went to the wake yesterday and will be attending the funeral today. This is the second funeral I have attended of a friend’s father who has lost his life to cancer since my dad died. It is hard because I know exactly what they are going through and even more so, I know what the years to come bring. It is rough.

The circle of life, I tell you, sometimes is is awesome, but sometimes it sucks.

In other news, I went 936 calories over my goal for Saturday. Not good. Even when I am on great swing I still have setbacks. I am human, I have to accept the choices I make and own them and move on.

It was a hard week for me on the diet/exercise front because my mom was here. Not that she is a bad influence, but I am a creature of habit and it is hard when my schedule gets messed up . I will say we did a ton of active things with the kids…things that a few months ago I would have skipped because it would have been too much walking, too hot, excuses, excuses, excuses.

I am ready for this week…we will be knee deep in getting organized for our BIG VACATION which we leave for on Friday. So exciting!!!!! I post coming this week about where we are venturing and what we are going to do.

Shout out to one of my second mamas…My BFF’s mom who is having hip replacement today. Pat, you will be in my prayers and hopefully the prayers of some of my Internet friends too!!!

here are some pictures from last week…if you are local to Cincinnati, Sawyer Point and The Cincinnati Children’s Museum are great options if you’re looking for something a little different to do!

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