Make a Change Monday #8

I will start on a positive note…I was finally able to fit in my gel manicure for meeting my January goal (one day before the end of February, but still, I am happy about it) That may be my only positive of the week.

I have fallen…and I have fallen hard.

Ever since the unexpected week off of work I have been on a horrible slippery slope called the “February Funk.” It has been awful and I have been trying to work my way out of it and I finally have today.

It is March and I am happy about it.  Goodbye February.  I will not miss you.

I started over this morning.  I am still down quite a few pounds from the beginning of January, but I am nowhere near where I wanted to or planned to be in my weight loss journey.  Enough is enough. I have to be better and I have to give myself less slack.  It is a necessity.   I get so off track when my schedule even gets a bit off.  This has been my downfall for a long time…I am a creature of habit and routines and doing things a certain way.  But this is life and life is not pretty and wrapped in bow all the times.  Things will get harder and more crazy as the years go on so I am just going to have to get used to adapting and changing and fitting in a workout when I have the time…even if it is only 15 minutes.  I have to eat what I track and not a bite more.  And, if I want more, I need to track it and deal with the consequences.

The thing I hate most about this hole I have put myself in is that I HATE how I feel when I am not tracking and exercising.  I LOVE how my body feels when it is in transition.  I can actually feel the burn inside of me.  I am not sure if anyone understands this feeling, but it is awesome.  I want to feel it again.  Like, right now, today.

I only met my salad goal.  I did not work out 4 days a week nor did I lose ten pounds this month.  I am down, but not defeated. Actually, I am really not down.  I feel good today.  I feel ready to get back on the bandwagon and conquer this thing.  I have no goals for the month other than to be down at the end of it.  I know what I have to do to get there.

I will be 40 on March 26 and even though I will be no where near a weight that I would like to be at, I will feel better than I do today.  That is a promise!

Here are my stats for this week (I am owning them, even though it sucks):

Weight loss: +3.6
Total Pounds Lost: -14.6

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Make A Change Monday #1

I lost my Fitbit this morning. I know I had it on for a while because we had a 90 minute delay so I was running around the house doing laundry, emptying the dishwasher, putting away clothes, and picking up toys. By the time I left the house I had 2,400 steps (I checked on my phone). I have to believe it fell of when I was getting the kids ready to get in the car. I have an irrational fear that it is gone forever. In the short time that I have had it I have sort of become obsessed with it…and I will have to replace it if it is lost…and I am totally cheap, so that will break my heart. I hope it is just lying on the floor right in front of the door when I get home. That would make me so happy.

I have decided to report on my weight-loss goals and activities every Monday because I am going to weigh-in on Sunday morning. I am going to call this post “Make a Change Monday” and this will be a place where I can see my progress and/or set-backs. If anyone out there reads this blog (BethJ) and has a blog and would like to join in the fun, feel free to use the same title and then comment so I know you are doing in and I can follow you also!

So here I go…

I actually had a great first week. In my experiences first weeks are always the best weeks because I can always stay pumped for a week. It is week #2 that makes me nervous. In terms of good first weeks, this is the best one I have had in a long time. Not that it was easy by any means, but it was tolerable. I find that I have to really PLAN well in order to have a good week. I am not going to use having children as a crutch, but I will say that the kid factor makes everything just a little more tricky.

I stayed within my calorie range which is always difficult for me, but I did it. I was very proud of this! I really stuck to a meal plan and followed it pretty closely. If you saw my breakfasts, lunches or dinners you might not even think I am dieting. I ate delicious food and I planned full meals and snacks so I had a lot of choices. This is something I always mess up in the beginning. I try and control too much and then I want to eat ALL THE FOOD. So this time I did not deprive myself; I did, however, give myself a lot of portion controlled items so I had a choice of what I wanted and if I wanted everything for lunch instead of saving something for an afternoon snack, so be it! This plan worked great for me. Even when I came home from the gym and was starving, I planned a snack to tide me over while I made dinner.

As far as exercise goes, I absolutely nailed it. I made it to the gym 6/7 days even in sub-zero temperatures with three kids in toe. I am also very proud of myself for that.

I am going to have month by month goals for now because I have no idea at this point where I want to be. Oh, and I know the first week is always a big loss but I am happy with it nonetheless!

Here are my stats for this week:

Weight Loss: -6.4
January Goal: -12
# Away from goal: -5.4
Reward: Gel Manicure

This is Life

I really feel like this week has changed me.
When I weigh in tomorrow morning I do not really care what the number says. I have learned so much this week it is impossible for it to be a bust. I think I need to step back for a moment before I do a final post about this detox…but I know it will be an exemplary review.
There were hard times, but the good outweighed (pun intended) the bad and this week really exceeded my expectations.

I am holding my head a little higher today than I did last weekend. I am proud of myself.
I KICKED ASS!!!!

It Hurts so Good

I feel different this morning.
Like, a good, real different.
My body feels like it is working from the inside out.
My muscles are sore but I have a ton of energy.

It is amazing to me how much less food I can eat and actually feel sustained and not famished.
Surprisingly I have really loved everything that I have made (Besides the shot…I am still trying to get over that one).

When I woke up this morning it was really hard to get out of bed for a minute. I even hit snooze. Then I thought to myself, “what are you doing? Just get up and go!” And I did. I logged 3 miles before 6am and I am proud of that.

I am working on being the best version of myself everyday.
It is a work in progress, but I am up for the challenge.

No matter what the scale says at the end of the week, I am counting everyday as a victory.

7 Day Detox

I started doing the Self Magazine 7-Day Detox cleanse this yesterday morning.

I am not sponsored by Self or do I have an affiliation with Self…I have just been looking for some kind of detox/cleanse to do for a while now and this one seems doable so I thought I would give it a try. You can find the full details in the September issue of Self, but I am going to give my watered-down version today.

Sometimes all you need is to write something down to make it real and feel a certain guilt that “now I have to do it because the Internet knows” right?

This detox does involve shakes and shots of stuff but there is also a fair amount of food you can chew. It is a 7 day detox, but I am going to only do it for 5 days. I am going away for the weekend and it would be too difficult to follow away from home. There are tons of different kinds of food that I had to go out and purchase…it is good food, healthy food…so I am excited to rid myself of the crap I have been eating and experience new flavors. It also involves quite a bit of exercise which I am excited to try. I am in a very good groove with the gym, so it will be interesting to see what mixing it up does for me.

Day 1: Don’t give up before you start

When my alarm went off at 4:45 I was a little shocked. After being awake (with Ty) from 2:30-3ish I almost did not get out of bed. Alas, that would have been a terrible way to start, so I got up, got in the car and was off to the gym. I did a 30 minute interval training on the treadmill. It started with a 3 minute warm-up then running (at5.0) for one minute and “jogging” (at 3.8) for 30 seconds…at first I was impressed with myself because it really wasn’t that bad. By 10 minutes in I was sweating and panting and I thought I was going to die. I finished with 30 minutes on the Elliptical because, really, if you are going to be at the gym at 5am you might as well make it worth it.

After a quick shower and decision on my outfit for the day I made my way downstairs for breakfast. Today it was a cherry smoothie made with frozen cherries, NF plain yogurt, almond milk, vanilla, shaved almonds and cinnamon. Let me preface this with I am not a shake person. I actually have never had a smoothie for breakfast and I HATE yogurt…especially the plain variety. But I decided to just go for it. And it was good, very good. The cherries gave it a nice tart flavor and I really love the almond. Score one for the detox.

Then, I did the shot they suggested….OJ, apple cider vinegar, turmeric, cayenne pepper, and ground ginger…and I almost threw up. And I got in the car and I could still taste it and I really thought I was going to hurl right there. In my garage.

As I type this and think about that shot I want to throw up again.

I don’t know what I am going to do about that. I am thinking I might skip it the rest of the week, but it is a part of the cleanse so I might try it again. I just can’t make that decision right now.

FYI…by lunchtime I was hungry. Very hungry.

I should drink more water. Immediately.

Lunch was the Hearty Veggie and Rice Bowl Salad from Starbucks. And since I am no longer a lady of leisure and I only have 20 minutes for lunch I decided to replicate this salad at home and bring it with me today. Playing along with the “I never” thoughts of this entry, I have never had or prepared kale. So, last night I had to confide in Bobby Flay and he taught me oh so much about this misunderstood vegetable.

Let me tell you, it was awesome…and filling…and I felt very healthy eating it. In fact, two women in my lunch commented on how delicious it looked. I will be keeping that recipe in my back pocket for another day. Who would have thought to put rice in with a salad? Delicious. And the kale was tasty. I mean, it wasn’t like something I have ever tasted before, but it was good.

The second work-out of the day was a series of moves that involved stretching, lifting and moving. No weights were involved this time which made it pretty easy.

I had a snack of a small apple and almond butter (LOVED IT!!!! Another first!) because my grocery store did not have cherries or raw cashews. And for dinner it was a shrimp taco with blueberry & avocado salsa (so delicious! What a strange combination!) and a cucumber salad on the side.

Overall, I felt great. I was tired at the end of the day, but not a sluggish tired; it was a great tired like I had worked hard and deserved a great night’s sleep. And I was really proud of myself for being open minded about new healthy foods, sticking to the plan, and having a great attitude about it all.

This morning I woke up feeling good. I will give more details about today tomorrow!

Home

I feel like we have been on vacation for weeks, but we were really only gone thirty six hours. Shawn suggested we take the kids camping this summer. I am not a camper. I do love to be outside and I enjoy hiking and swimming in the lake and campfires and such. However, I do not like no running water, toilets, etc. So, we had the best of both worlds when we visited Indian Lake Camp Grounds in Batesville, IN this weekend.

We rented an efficiency cabin that included two beds, two roll away cots, a galley kitchen and a bathroom…oh, and air conditioning. Camping in a tent…definitely it was not. But for me, it was roughing it in the best possible way.

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They had an old school playground that Megan just went crazy over and Tyler loved running around in the buff after swimming in the lake. I didn’t take a ton of pictures because I was having too much fun living in the moment. It really was such a fantastic weekend…Meg kept asking if we could come back “tomorrow.”

20130805-080907.jpgThese two. I love that picture. They were saying we’re best friends all weekend. Too cute.

Now I am sitting in kitchen with a bad cough, running nose and a fever. And I have to work today (three hour conference). So I think I am just going to chill for a few hours and re-evaluate after the conference if I should work out or just take the day off.

Last week was a fantastic week for me exercise and food-wise. And it showed on the scale. I was so proud of myself for keeping on track since feeling really down last week. I know it is a journey and I have to keep moving forward no matter what.

On a side note, I did a little back to school shopping with my mom last week. We found some really cute things and they may have been a size smaller than the clothes I was trying on in the spring. Non scale victories are sometimes better than loss of pounds!

Something’s Got to Give

Over the course of the last seven months I have spent a lot of time looking inward…seeing what about myself are strengths and weaknesses…observing how I interact with people…trying to figure out what makes me happy and what makes me sad. You would think this would be an easy task since I have lived within myself for 38 years…but it has been difficult and at times not pretty and frustrating.

Something has got to give.

The thing I hate most about myself is the thing that consumes the majority of my thoughts, feelings, and actions. It is what I base my whole life on. My weight. My constant companion. Whether I am losing or gaining, at a good place or a bad place, my mind always goes there. And I know it will for the rest of my life. At times I look only forward. This summer I have been working very hard…but I have not had great results (in my opinion).

I have never struggled to lose weight like I have in the past year. I have been to my general practitioner. I have been to my OB/GYN. All test are normal. Basically,I just have a very slow metabolism. I need to have a hard work out twice a day, but I do not have the energy or the drive to do it. It is not about time or commitment; it is about not wanting to wake up early in the summertime. I could easily get up at 5:00 while Shawn and the kids are sleeping a do a workout. But I don’t because, honestly, I don’t want to.

I also have a food addiction. It is hard to say no to things I love to eat and easy to justify over eating. I have been known to binge eat on many many occasions. I have a sweet craving that can send me into a spin if I am not careful. Food is not just nourishment for me, it is love and pleasure and all-consuming. When I veer off the straight and narrow just a little bit it can send me into a downward spiral so far that it takes weeks to recover.

And when I am not losing weight at a pace I deem acceptable, then it gets very easy for me to lose total control. I have felt myself getting that way in the last couple of weeks.

As far as exercising goes, I am committed. Sixty minutes five (or six) days a week has been the norm. I have found classes I like and that push me and I work hard on the treadmill and elliptical trainer. I have counted calories and stayed on track since June. I have also committed to a friend that once school starts I will be joining her three days a week for early morning, before work sweat sessions.

But the weight is just not coming off.

To say I am frustrated does not even skim the surface of how I am feeling. I feel desperate and alone and like a failure and a coward. It is debilitating and makes my mind go to places I do not want to be. It makes me want to eat…to stuff those feelings…to feed the beast so to speak.

I guess I can take assurance in some sense that I recognize what is happening an I am doing something about it, this weekend was not good…but I am feeling more positive and back on track this morning.

One day at a time.