Stream of Conscienceness

Yesterday I started a week of eating on track.
It always surprises me how little food the body needs to sustain itself. Yesterday was 1500 calories and I was satisfied.
Could I have eaten more? Of course! Did I need to eat more. Definite no.

I am going back to smoothies for breakfast because I realize now that they are super delicious and filling and when I have one in the morning it sets my whole day. My new favorite combo is as follows:
½ cup Greek yogurt
½ cup almond milk
2 teaspoons almond butter
½ cup frozen fruit (today it was cherries, YUM!)
I have been working on perfecting that combination for weeks. Now that I have written it down it seems funny…almost too simple.

Shawn is trying to stick to no complex carbs, but that is just not how I roll. When I deprive myself of a food group that is all I want. I know better than to do this. But, since I am counting calories, I have to reduce my carbs if I want to stay in control. I am proud of Shawn because the first thing he had to give up was Coke and the man loves Coke. I don’t think the complex carbs thing will be that difficult for him…but the Coke. Insane. He might drop 20 pounds this week without it.
Then I would be irritated…but happy for him.

It is easier to stick to a plan when you know your significant other is doing it as well…at least for me. Even though we do not see each other during the week, it still is reassuring knowing that he is also taking part in a lifestyle change.

I feel like I am in a rut. Everything is status quo, but I feel bored but stressed, happy but also a little depressed, calm but anxious. I know this makes no sense, but it is clear to me.

We have a very busy October. In fact, this weekend is our last free weekend until November. Craaaaaazzzyyyyyy!!!!!
I love being busy, but I also get anxious and high strung when there is too much going on. My goal for October is to keep my anxiety in check and ask for help when I need it. Easier said than done.

I guess that is all for now. I am pretty happy that tonight is free with nothing planned but the gym and home. YAY!!!! It is so nice out we will be able to ride bikes and scooters one my night, That rocks. Outside play means tired children.

Do you have any big plans for a Tuesday?
What are you eating this week?

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Hunger

I am so hungry today I could eat my arm with a little ketchup on it. Seriously. I do not know what is wrong with me. I am JUST.SO.HUNGRY.

Being in the throws of a massive lifestyle/weight loss journey has seen its good, bad and ugly days. This summer the days have been mostly good. I have worked really hard at the gym and my eating has been spot-on. The results have been good, not exceptional (in my opinion).

But today, oh, I have had a rough one. I am just so hungry. Nothing is satisfying my cravings. So, I have been eating, not out of control everything in the house eating, but more than I normally eat. I have tried upping protein and drinking more water, but, seriously, I just am hungry.

We all have those days (I think)… So I just thought I would put it out there.

In other news in my life, my baby, Megan Elizabeth, started Vacation Bible School (VBS) this morning. It might not seem like a big deal to anyone, really, but it was a big deal to me. Megan has never been to any kind of formal school, so I was a little nervous for her.

20130715-162645.jpgpre drop off!

Of course, she had a great morning and loved her class and her teacher. She even quoted “the Lord is my Shepherd” when she got in the car which makes this Jesus-loving mommy so happy! She did say she had so much fun but missed us as well. I hope she always have a hunger for The Lord. Church was always a place of fun and friends and awesomeness for me and I am hoping both my kids have the same experiences as I did as a child.

20130715-162901.jpgthis guy missed his sister like crazy

And, me being me, I had to take a picture of her first day in a classroom.

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Of course, she was irritated and annoyed by this! Get used to it, girlfriend, is all I have to say about that!

Well, needless to say, blogging did not satiate my appetite. HA! Now it is the countdown until the kids wake up and we can get to the gym…at least that will be 60 minutes of now food!

Detox…It Ain’t Pretty

Friends. I have been experiencing some major symptoms for the past couple of days. Sweats, shakes, horrific headaches topped off by vomiting last night. At first I thought it was a bit of the stomach flu, but after further research (think, Liz, think!) I realized I am in the throws of detoxing from my former life into my new life…and it is not pretty.

You see, my addiction to food is much Iike an alcoholic’s addiction to alcohol or a drug addict’s addiction to their drug of choice. Food is my drug. I use it for comfort when I am lonely, to stuff pain away when I am sad, to celebrate the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat. Food is one of my closest friends, my love. Food addiction is a sick, sick disease. It is hard to wrap my head around it. It is a daily struggle and it is constantly on my mind. I wish it were different, but it is not. Hello, my name is Elizabeth and I am a food addict.

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no brush, no make-up, no problem

Not only have I stepped up my exercise and really controlled my eating starting on Tuesday morning, but I have also cut back on my precious love, caffeine. I started this journey (again!) with a clear head and a lot of self-based research. I see a direct correlation between caffeine consumption and over eating. I know that when I drink pop I tend to eat more at meals and during snack time. For years I have been rationalizing my love for diet soda by saying, “there is no sugar in it…it is a win!” when in reality it is really a means of feeding the beast. I am not giving up Cherry Coke Zero forever, but I am giving it up during this detox week. And it is a bitch.

Carbohydrates are also a vice of mine. This girls loves me some bread, pasta, cake, sugar, sugar, sugar. The problem with carbs is that I can eat and eat and eat and eat them ALL.DAY.LONG.The end.

Giving up carbs totally via the Adkins way would not work for me. When I deprive myself totally of things I get resentful and start eating other things to overcompensate. Not good. Instead, I am being very mindful of what carbs I am eating and especially how much. I am trying to cut back to the normal range of 200-300 grams daily, whereas I was eating probably close to 1000g a day. I will say in just two short days of lowering my carb intake I can feel a difference in my energy level.

I am hoping the detox came to a climax last night while I was shaking, puking, sweating, and crying simultaneously after putting the kids to bed. I know this journey will not be easy, but it will
be worth it. I also know that I am not in this alone. I need to ask for help. I need to face my addiction and pinpoint where and when I start to slide and STOP IT. That is always my problem. I have a hard time recognizing the downward spiral when it starts and cannot overcome it and get out once I am in the thick of it.

There you have it. Detox 101. It sucks.